2015 Law Dinner Review By A Cornel Hater

Looking at the title, one would expect me to immediately launch into viliying remarks about the 2015 law dinner and its main organiser Cornel Gabriel. And it would indeed be in keeping with the title for that is what haters do when they review events organised by those they ‘hate’ on. However this will be done a bit differently from how you expect.

So instead of a hateful and scathing review of the dinner, what I will give you is a frank, candid and honest analyses of the dinner that is totally devoid of any favouring bias whatsoever. As it will be understandable why I will have none being a hater. The dinner was widely criticised both in the before and after. Before, it was hailed as being impossible to pull off, likely to flop, too big a project, unnecessary, and exorbitant. After the dinner, a hundred flaws were identified and nitpicking went on to no small end. Well what do I a hater have to say about this? Did the ‘hated’ do as badly as we hoped?

I am sorry to disappoint me and all my fellow haters but it did turn out to be a fine ass dinner. Pardon my saying so. Let us look at the points that arose against it before the dinner. We heard things like too expensive, unnecessary, too big, other priorities. Since when did ambition become a sin? When realising it is not being gone about in an improper manner? And do we really have other priorities? When law students are mentioned, what first comes to mind? Humble people? Caring, humanitarian? No. For we are not doctors. The first things that come to mind is grace, style, panache, class. We are a vain people who put great stock in decorum and appearance. To say otherwise would be to lie blatantly. Being this kind of people, I see no reason why we should not have the grandest, the biggest, and the classiest dinner that can be conceived. And this is all our hated president sought to furnish us.

I will not say whether the hate on our erstwhile president is justified or deserved. But I will point out that this is a law dinner review and not a Cornel review and my fellow intelligent haters should be able to separate a man from a deed and judge objectively. Having this ability will doubtless come in handy in their legal or other field they decide to go into. In the end, we had a fantastic dinner. A prestigious dinner that did much to up the standard of law students the institution over. A rep we all collectively benefit from. So enjoy the glory and crucify the bringer? For shame fellows. I beat my chest.

But let us talk about the actual dinner. It was held in Eko Hotel and Suites, the most preferred hotel this side of the continent. Something that should be beyond the reach of students and lie in the realm of impossibility. There were buses to bear those who were ready to take advantage of this humble service. The bigger boys and girls and most of the older wigs went in Uber cabs and private cars though. We would eventually arrive to an evening of excitement and fanfare. Highlighted by joyful eating and drinking and entertainment.

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The food was fab. No doubt about that. The peak of the dinner I would say was a wonderfully exciting performance by Banky W no less, an A-list performer that would cost us thousands and take millions to see. To crown it all, we had a sitting governor come in to address us in person. Is our vainglory and pride as law students not bursting at the seams? I know they certainly were as we came back to myriads of pictures being uploaded on Instagram and various other social networks. If you were to log on to instagram now and search the hashtag lawdinner2015 you would see solid evidence of law students enjoying themselves excessively.

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Did it end there? Nah. The fabulous dinner was further eclipsed by a not at all unexciting after party that was by all accounts fun. Finally one would think we would end it there. And leave it at that. But no. That would be far too easy. Like the obstinate children of Israel, we came home to murmur and castigate the dinner that had been a source of so much merrymaking and happiness. We began to hear all sorts of reasons why it was not good. This was bad, that was bad and that was bad. So no it wasn’t a good dinner.

That my dear fellow haters is totally laughable and an absolute load of bull crap. Oh a lot of things were said. Some even valid. But none of these enough to make it a less than excellent dinner. Did a girl with very poor oratory skills come forward to read the governor’s citation? Yes. Were the fonts on the projector too small to be legible? Certainly. They say there were no tables upstairs. This may have been true, but the floor was adequately decorated. And food plentiful there. Perhaps those who came by 10 for an event that was written to start at 6 didn’t get the choice seats. Surely you can see why, being 4 hours late and arriving at a time when the event should have been winding down. The food was said to have finished? I don’t know about this. I do know I saw people carting away bottles and bottles of beer to take to the after party. I did cart some away myself to be honest. If food did finish, I’m sure it was no less than an hour to the end of the event. Fie for those who expected food from beginning to the end of the event. It’s a dinner. Not a gorge fest. And to be frank some of us did gorge ourselves. Our scales will attest to this.

There were no end to the things said in an effort to discredit the dinner. I even heard that the floor was not swept. Really. Eko Hotel floor, Iris and Jasmine hall was not swept. I laughed in elvish when I heard that one.

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That is the floor. See any heaps of sand anywhere? Maybe the sand was too small to be in heaps. How then the complainers could have noticed it when they were wearing shoes I have not the faintest idea. Or did anyone see any people without shoes at the law dinner? I would have noticed.

They say the tickets were expensive too. At three thousand naira. Three thousand naira for an all you can eat buffet at Eko Hotel, with top tier performance by an A-list artist and record label head and appearance by a state governor. You know, three thousand wouldn’t even get you into coke studio to see Yemi Alade perform. Five thousand might. But you would stand, on the bare grass. And not have chairs not to talk of upstairs and tables.

If you were to attempt to get food with three thousand you know what three thousand would get you? Nowhere near the Island. Out of school yes. But u would not cross Unilag junction. A quick right would have taken you to Abule oja, straight down to 047 and a quick plate, no more than one, of catfish peppersoup and two bottles of beer. Instead you got the chance to show off your fancy suits and dresses, ooh and aah to Banky’s ‘high notes.’ And come back to adorn your ig handles with the tale of the beautiful night. A bargain to be honest. Did I mentioned the event was covered by S.TV? There.

For those not yet in the school and thus unaware? The last time a dinner this close in magnitude was organised waa about 5 years ago. During the faculty’s 50th anniversary which coincided with our law dinner. It was a joint dinner organised by the faculty of Law and the University of Lagos itself. While it was organised in the same place, there were no performances. We can discount Chuddy K coming at the end of the event when everyone had left. There was no state governor or dignitary of that level there. That one was organised by the school which possesses a bank account of gigantic proportions. Now a student. A mere faculty president dared to take them on and not just take them on but do something even grander. Even if you hated the guy and were blind to anything good you can see that he has done just that.

Unswept floors, if those are possible, bad citation, any other minor hitch you can think up do not detract from its awesomeness. The points that make for a good dinner, good food, fine drinks, important dignitaries, awesome entertainment, all these we had aplenty and all else is dust and stardust. All they serve to prove is the already widely known point that perfection is unattainable. Inspite of this success still is achievable. Despite perfection’s unattainability. And I do say even from a hater’s standpoint that it was achieved here. I personally do not like the fellow involved, I have a lot of things against him yet. This should drive home the fact the the success of the law dinner is not even open to debate or discussion. Unless you are something beyond even a hater and devoid of all honesty or reason.

In comparison to last year’s law dinner though, I will say the anticipation for this one was a bit suppressed. Who knows if it’s because of the unpopular nature of our infamous organiser and president. Perhaps. The anticipation for the last law dinner was definitely higher. Maybe it’s because it had been pending for two years. Also the preparations for the last one was definitely higher. While the last was a smaller event, the attendees definitely pulled out their big guns and came in dressed to kill. The outfits and attires were somewhat more mellow here.  Not to say they weren’t good. No matter. Perhaps you should judge yourself…

I wonder what this new administration has in store for us. The bar has been set so high. Are we going to be drinking in the sky? We do have our fingers crossed. Perhaps it should look to help from the members of the last law dinner committee and the former social secretary Jide Williams who managed to pull of the impossible and organise the grandest law dinner in lss history.   They definitely did an outstanding job. That said, my final ratings for the dinner has it as a first class dinner. I will post how I arrived at it below. Feel free to drop yours and contradict. It’s a free world afteral. Even for a hater.

Food: 4.7
Entertainment: 5
Organisation: 3.8
Final Ratings: 4.5

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Most Eligible Bachelors in Faculty of Law 2015

It is well known that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and he who sees beauty and does not look at it will soon be poor. Sigh! What’s with all these beauty quotes? Anyway away from beauty as this article is neither about beauty! Or girls!! Or beautiful girls!!!
Over the years the faculty of Law has been blessed with some really handsome dudes who have turned heads, broken hearts and busted brains hehehe. Just before the new session starts in full swing we would be taking a rundown of the 10 most eligible bachelors In the Faculty of Law. Ladies if you are single please get your seat belt ready as we take you on this ride

10. Naphtali (300 Level)

From the class of 18 comes Naphtali. Naphtali is a brain literally. Naphtali is a very intelligent and aspiring young man who may not be the most handsome in a room but would usually be the most intelligent or well read guy. He’s the kind of guy who would blow a girls head with his opinions on every issue bothering her. We also think he might be romantic as its no news that he’s a very good writer and poet. Lastly, Naphtali doesn’t do drugs but his GP smokes weed and is high!!!!!

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9. Igwe. (200 Level)
Igwe from the law class of 19 is a stunner. He has been turning lots of girls head even before entering the faculty fully and we do not expect him to stop or slow down this new session. While i do not personally know much a lot him but my sources say he is very caring and a good listener.

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8. Qasim. (400 Level)
Our first Bachelor from the law class of 17. Qasim is an all rounder and ticks all boxes. He’s handsome, very intelligent and he’s a sport champion. Qasim is also a member of the UNILAG Basket ball team and has 3 Gold medals in basketball from 3 LSS games (don’t put your money against him to make it 5 out of 5). But where Qasim busts heads more is on the football pitch. He’s the kind of guy you would be proud to take your friends out on a date to watch him perform magic on the field. He has been able to achieve all this fame in sports while maintaining a very impressive CGPA. Please remind of those words again “All rounder”

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7. Tito. (300 Level)
Tito Taoreed is our next bachelor who rose to lime light in year 1 after winning the award of fresher of the year. He has continued keeping himself  busy by being involved in the Mooting Society, NMUN, Oil and Gas bar and now book club. Don’t say this out loud but Tito has “bar” and dresses really nice. Even though he has won the “couple of the year award” for his class before Tito claims he has never been in a relationship and we believe him. Is this his year to finally find love? hmmmm lets see.

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6. Timileyin. (500 Level)
Timileyin Oyewo is our next bachelor. Timi has always been a bachelor having made the first edition of this list when he was in year 2 and now in Year 5 not much has changed either in respect to his relationship status and his looks. It is a well known Fact that Timi is handsome and very intelligent. Timi is also a debate and Mooting champion having represented UNILAG both in and outside Nigeria, most notably in Washington DC and Rome. Timi is the kind of son in law every father would want to have lol

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5. Carl Eze (300 Level)
From the law class of 18 comes Carl Eze. If you are a girl and haven’t heard about Carl Eze please who are you hearing about???? Carl Eze is very handsome with many crushes in the faculty. If you are ready for the competition get ready to join the queue. Carl is also very industrious as he maintains his own clothing line ‘lex apparel’ If you are a lover of good looks Carl Eze is right for you.

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4.Tsolayemi . (400 Level
Tsholayemi or Sholz as he loves to be called is our next bachelor. Shola is single and this must be very difficult considering the attention he gets from girls but just maybe he hasn’t found the right person yet. Shola is very good looking and dresses really well. While he might not be the most active in the faculty but he has good looks, dress sense and a decent CGPA which works for us.

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3. Supreme (400 Level)
Ex Secretary General Mooting Society, Secretary General Maritime Forum, Editor Kayode Eso Chambers, Head Delegate NMUN New York 2016 woow!!!! We are still talking about just one person. Supreme from law class of 17 makes our top 3 this year. It’s no news that Supreme is very hardworking, good looking and very intelligent.( Feel free to visit the broadsheet and check lol). Supreme is very friendly and not someone you can get bored around. If you are a girl like me that likes guys with positions then Supreme Ice cream is the guy.

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2. Poju Omidiran. (500 Level)
From the Law class of 16  is our next bachelor . Lots of girls have been saying Poju is the most handsome guy in the faculty and i tend to agree with this assertion. We also know Poju dresses really nice has a car and also money.  Complete package!!!

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1. Apalara Rahman (400 Level)
Our Most eligible bachelor for this year is a stunner from the class of 17. He is the current Moot President and co-head delegate for the model united nations team to New York in 2016. Believe me when I say Rahman’s rise to the top has been meteoric. Rahman is also very intelligent, in the land of Tort  where D’s, E’s and F’s were plenty, Rahman had an outstanding A. Rahman also has very decent looks and i think he’s going to be really romantic.

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Just as every definition in law is said to be fraught with pitfalls so also this list may not go down with some people or fail to include some other worthy candidates, however we would very much love to hear your opinions and suggestions. Good luck to everyone this semester till we meet again next year.

THE END

DISCLAIMER
please note that this article is solely the work and opinion of the writer who wishes to remain anonymous for obvious reasons. We believe in upholding the tenets of a democratic society, one of which is the freedom of expression so long as it does not stray into civil wrongdoing.

Girl Next Door Part 7: Final Episode

GND 7

By Sad Girl Says

Click here for part 1
Click here for part 2
Click here for part 3
Click here for part 4
Click here for part 5
Click here for part 6

THE FINALE

When I left the hospital the next morning, the first place I went to was Ibrahim’s house.

‘How do you feel bro?’ He asked me, looking into my eyes.

‘Very weak to be honest, but I thank God.’ I said, ‘and thanks fam, for the gifts you sent and the tweets.’

‘No P bro,’ Ibrahim said, ‘Lol, those tweets. You know people still saying “get well soon Nate”. Even people that don’t know you! I pity your mentions!’

‘Lol. :(( ikrr.’ I said. I still couldn’t believe that I trended on twitter. Like, seriously??? Mehhn, my friends are bad asses B-)

‘:* you’re welcome bro’ Ibrahim said.

‘:** ‘I said, ‘but Yasmine though.’

‘I wasn’t even going to say anything,’ Ibrahim said, ‘sheyy last time I was telling you. You gave me bestie mode.’

‘Lol, you know what happened at #DOPE2?’ I said.

‘Guy, gist spreads. People started asking why you fainted.’

‘Oh? :$’ I said, ‘it’s fucked up bro. I don’t even know anything anymore.’

‘And when I was telling you to put her in her place, you were giving me crap. “Ehhn, she’s not a hoe”. Tuehh!’

‘*sigh. But even with everything, I still wouldn’t say she’s a hoe…’

‘Is it, because you are blind, or dumb, or ignorant? or all of the above 3 -|’

‘( ˘̶̀ ̯˘̶́) ‘ I said, ‘it’s complicated bro.’

‘Cut gist’ Ibrahim said.

‘Idiattt.’ I said, ‘and then Jesse & Nathan, I don’t know, all I wanted was to bring them back together. Now I really don’t care about their existence.’

‘You guys would still get back though. You’re bros…’

‘I doubt.’ I said.

‘*sigh. It’s all good Nate,’ he said, patting my shoulder.

‘Sorry about not coming first at the show,’ I said.

‘Ehn? Oh that thing. It didn’t pain me because Fusion and DKNG had better designs to be honest,’ Ibrahim said, ‘especially DKNG.’

‘Yeah, I guess.’

‘And the DKNG head designer ♥_♥’ Ibrahim said, ‘very fuckable someborry.’

‘Lol, Fuckable? Guy, pause your game on that.’

‘Gini???’

‘Never mind, Happy fucking.’ I said, a slight smirk creeping on my face.

‘:s :s. you’re dim,’ Ibrahim said, ‘I’m going to the basement in a bit. Are you coming?’

‘Really? Coming from the hospital?’

‘Noo, you don’t have to play ball, you could just come and chill. Ovoke and co would be happy to see you.’

I considered. ‘Naa, I’ll just watch TV small then head home.’

I watched a few episodes of season 6 of How I Met Your Mother from the cd’s Iffy bought me. And then I watched Tom & Jerry. It made me actually laugh out loud. 🙂

*******

I left Ibrahim’s house and went to go see Damii. I had to break up with her, it was the right thing to do. Not like I’m a good guy or anything, but I really love this girl and I couldn’t just do it anymore.

I didn’t even use my normal break-up lines with her. All the “we have to move on” and “it’s not you, it’s me.” Lol, that last one was always my favorite. “It’s not you, it’s me. I’m just not good enough for you”. Na so!!!! If it’s me with the problem, why are you the one getting dumped? Bitch I’m fucking perfect!!!! 😛 😛 😛

But with Damii, it was just different. I told her everything. How I felt about her, and the long distance and everything. And then I told her about Blah. I didn’t tell her I fucked her, obviously. I just told her something happened.

Her head fell on my shoulders. And then, it felt like the old times. Two years ago, when I, Damii, Ibrahim & Derin would chill at Ibrahim’s place, and Damii would always rest her head so softly on my chest. I’ll not be feeling like one wizkid :$ :$ :$ I wish we could rewind time and go back to then. I swear we didn’t know what we had, it was bliss.

I felt tears on my chest, and I just knew they were Damii’s. I held her to myself, tightly. And then, I let her go.

*******

I wasn’t in the mood for anything but slept when I got back home. I just wanted to be alone. I was lying down and I heard Jesse and Iffy shouting, fighting probably. Common sense told me not to go but I’m not used to listening to that thing.

When Jesse & Iffy saw me, they stopped fighting. They just stopped. Like I was one adult they owed that respect to, like I was Mummy.

‘You should be resting,’ Iffy said.

‘I can’t,’ I said, ‘two mumu’s are there fighting, shouting in my eardrum :|’

‘Nathan.’ Jesse said.

I looked at him, deep into his eyes. And then I looked at Iffy. The moment was weird, like dizziness. Normally when I look at my brothers, I feel like I’m looking into a mirror. Not just because we’re triplets & we look alike and all, but cause we have this bond. I can’t explain. But now, I was looking at Jesse, and at Iffy. And I just felt nothing; like we were strangers.

*******

Something in me wanted to see Yasmine. I went to her house to talk to her, but instead I saw T.Y.

‘Nathan!’ she said, hugging me suddenly ‘you’re back.’ The warmth of her hug surprised me.

‘Yeah,’ I said, hugging her back, ‘Is Yasmine home?’

She shook her head. ‘Do you know Django Abrams?’ She asked me.

I nodded. It was a weird question to ask buh yeah, who doesn’t know Django? The blind guy that paints. There was shaa a lot of hype about him recently.

‘There’s an exhibition of his paintings at Art Centre now.’ T.Y said, ‘we should go.’

‘Oh! Ok.’ The randomness of everything shocked me into saying yes.

The Art Centre was weird. Everybody was walking from painting, going “ooh” and “aah” like the guy was sublime. Me, I was just there with T.Y looking at the lines of color like a mumu. It was all them abstract paintings the Django guy painted. I never understood how artists get millions for painting stuff I could do when I’m drunk. :ss

T.Y stood in front of one of the paintings. It was a mix of colors, at the centre was a bright, beautiful purple. Then it seemed to divide itself into three streaks of red, yellow & blue. The red, yellow & blue looked dull but the purple they formed at the centre was brilliant :”) it was titled “FAMILY”.

‘It took me so long to get this,’ T.Y said, ‘the painting.’

‘Explain abeg.’

‘Family is so strong and beautiful like the purple, when all the colors are mixed together,’ she said, ‘but when it’s divided, it turns weak. Like the 3 colors, so sad.’

I paused. I saw what she was trying to do here, ‘Point?’ I said.

‘What is the point, really,’ she said, ‘of anything?’

I looked at the painting again. The purple was so bright.

‘What was the point of sending me the 50 shades trilogy?’

‘You didn’t like it ): ’

‘I do. It was just funny,’ I said, ‘because you are like the female Christian Grey.’

‘LMFAOOOOOO! Me?’ Her eyes widened. ‘You haven’t noticed. Yasmine is the Christian Grey actually.’

*******

Yasmine was at her house when I got back. She was outside in her garden, lying on the grass, sprawled like an angel; Topless; Earphones plugged; Sun kissed.

I rushed to her. ‘Are you fucking high?! You’re half-naked & you’re outside’. Her nipples were upright, darker than the rest of her skin.

She sat up and looked at me. The wind was in her hair. ‘I just want to die. Please let me die.’ Her voice was laced with tears, but her eyes were clear.

I sat down on the grass too and held her closely to me. ‘It’s okay,’ I said, clasping her hair, ‘It happens when you listen to Iffy’s music. It makes you suicidal.’

Yasmine laughed. Her laughter was pure & high & pretty.

‘I broke up with Damii. I was tired of deceiving myself.’ I looked away from her as I said this.

‘I’m so sorry.’ She said.

‘For what?’

‘I spoilt your summer, your family, your life.’

It hit me at that moment that there was no reason to hate Yasmine. My family, my life; they had always been spoilt. Yasmine just opened our eyes to everything.

‘Can you remember that time you asked me about my mum, about how her death affected me?’

‘Yes.’

‘I didn’t know how to answer then. But her death changed me mehnn. It made me see some things are just not important.’

We lay there on the grass together, looking at the sun. There was no sound except the wind and the rustling of leaves.

‘I love you.’ Yasmine said, looking at me. ‘I will always follow you Nathan.’

‘And mention for your follow back ;)’ I said. She laughed again.

Yasmine fell asleep there in the grass, in my arms. I carried her to her bed and I went home.

*******

Iffy & Jesse were going to school the next day. Iffy was driving there. But Jesse was taking a plane, because his school is very far. But they were both leaving on the same day.

‘Safe mehnn’ I said, to both of them. They were packed and ready to go. Iffy was dropping Jesse at the airport.

The three of us stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to say to each other. I felt empty.

I pulled them together in a group hug. And for a moment, we were brothers again. For only that moment though.

‘I’ll call you guys when I land,’ Jesse said.

‘Yeah, Nathan, I’ll call you when I’m in school.’ Iffy said.

They never called. I think that was the last time we ever really spoke. As brothers

*******

Later, I would come to realize what Yasmine meant by “Next week is the deadline”.

I would go to her house the next week and it would be empty, a “FOR SALE” sign limping outside it.

I would wait and wait and never see her.

Later, Blah would explain that Yasmine and her parents had move back to her step mom’s country.

I would remember my last moments with Yasmine, lying with her in the grass, and realize all that time she was saying goodbye without really saying goodbye.

And I would sit and wonder, how one’s life could change and evolve so much in just one summer and how one person could make you see things that had always been there, that you never noticed.

But for now, I mixed Vodka and Ribena, sipping slowly, as I sat alone in a big, empty house, awaiting death.

THE END.

First published September 8 2012
Culled from the blog sadgirlsays.WordPress.com
Run by Imade Iyamu
Edited by Faith Tells.
See https://sadgirlsays.wordpress.com/the-girl-next-door/ for the original.

So now It’s done, our silent readers, do endeavour to tell us if you enjoyed it,  and if you didn’t. We hope you did. It’s free entertainment. Really. The least you could do is a free review. Tit for tat yea? So let us know what you liked and didn’t like about it.

The writer is working on a new series called ‘Stuck’ about law students. So you never know. Your opinions might be incorporated. Feel free to share them.

The new series will be released exclusively on her website. Imadeiyamu.com
Feel free to subscribe or follow her Facebook page https://m.facebook.com/Imade-513544605459389/ for updates.

Girl Next Door Part 6; The Penultimate Episode

GND Part 6; The Penultimate Episode

Written by SGS – Sad Girl Says

Click here for part 1
Click here for part 2
Click here for part 3
Click here for part 4
Click here for part 5

The first person I saw when I woke up was Yasmine. She was sitting on my bed, facing opposite me.

‘Where am I?’ I said. Ugh. Talking was so stressful.

Her eyes lit up. ‘Nathann! You’re awake! Are you ok? You’re at the hospital! Are you hungry? Your dad is here, lemme call him! How do you feel?’

She didn’t even let me answer any question. Well, hospital. That explains the hard bed and the weird smell. And then I remembered I had an asthma attack and fainted at #DOPE2. I wished they didn’t tell my dad. He gets so emotional at hospitals cause of my mom and all, It’s annoying.

Dad just started shouting at me. When I was sick again! Nawahh Oh! He was like why did I overreact? Don’t I know I get attacks easily? Why wasn’t I with my inhaler? Overreact ke? I wonder what lie they told him for the reason I had an attack…

‘Better don’t be sick,’ He said, ‘you have school in two weeks.’

School. Wow. How motivating -…-

I slept back.

*******

When I woke up the next time, Jesse and Yasmine were there trying to feed me. But food was the last thing on my mind.

‘Guy, you really should be controlling your anger,’ Jesse said, mixing cereal for me.

‘Really? Coming from you?’ I said.

‘*sigh. Nate, lemme explain everything,’ He said.

‘Aiit. Have fun.’ I said.

As his lips were moving, my eyes were closing. *

*******

When I opened my eyes again, my room was full of stuff. Gift-wrapped presents surrounded me like bodyguards. The counter where they serve my food was lined with cards. Was today my birthday :/

Iffy was sitting on my bed. He saw me when I woke up. ‘Nate! ^.^’ He said, ‘T.Y said to give you this.’

I unwrapped the brown paper bag he gave me. Inside it was the 50 shades trilogy: 50 shades of Grey. 50 shades Darker. 50 shades Freed. All new. All paperback and original. Only T.Y…

‘And I got you something as well,’ Iffy said. It was a collection of cds. Season 1-9 of How I Met Your Mother. The greatest ever!!!!

‘And see something else ^-^’ he said. Iffy looked excited. Like a child. He brought out his phone:

@Ibrahim_ZD: @datkidNATE___ baldiee! Get well soon nate! :***

@ItsHavoc_: Get well soon nate missing ur dumbassery :p :p :d @datkidNATE___

@Damiii: @datkidNATE___ boo boo :** get well soon nate. I miss u:( ilysfm :*

@Dayyrin_O: @datkidNATE___ fake boo! Missin ur sxc light skin oo! Get well soon nate. Don’t leave me wif dat aboki abeggg!

@fucksvrvh: @datkidNATE___ gerrup frm ya bed and come nd suck breast jorrh! LOL. Get well soonest nate!

@beatsby_TeeMac: @datkidNATE___ missing ur silly bants bruh. Get well soon nate den cme ball wid us @ basement 😉

@_FROST_: Shalla 2 my haturr @datkidNATE___ get well soon nate! #bless :*

@MayowaCole: @datkidNATE___ bitch don’t be sick oo. Life’s 2 short! Lol. Get well soon nate!

@_LonerGuii: @datkidNATE___ bro. Get well soon nate:**

@Yasmine_: @datkidNATE___ I no u hate me nd all buh pls jus get well soon nate {()}

Ahhhhh! 😮 😮 :o.

‘And I favourited this one,’ Iffy said:

@trendsmapLagos: “get well soon nate” is now trending.

‘You’re joking!’ I said. Geez, my mentions are gonna be over-full when I get back home.

‘No fam! It’s 4 real!’ Iffy said, ‘you’re trending oo. And that was just yesterday. People are still tweeting today.’

Just then, Yasmine walked in with my food. Iffy’s face went down; it just lost its glow.

‘Brb bro.’ He didn’t even look at her, as he left. Obviously, he knew why I hyperventilated and had the attack.

Yasmine sat on my bed and after a long while of silence, she said, ‘Can we talk?’

‘You can talk,’ I said, ‘we can’t.’

‘Nathan please.’

‘Please fucking what? All you do is fuck up,’ I said, ‘if you know they can’t leave you alone, why don’t you just leave them. Just leave us all : |’

‘Dpmo,’ I said, ‘you’re dead to me.’

I turned around and closed my eyes like I was sleeping. I wasn’t sleeping, but I wanted her to think I was and leave me be. All I wanted to be was alone.

*******

I woke up, feeling strangely strong and energetic ^_^ the doctor was standing, towering over my bed.

‘I’ve called your father to tell him you’re going home tomorrow.’ He said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

He was still talking. ‘Try not to exert yourself too much. And drink lots of water.’

I nodded, sitting up. I still felt very weak tho.

‘Oh and the girl that comes here everyday. You know her?’ He asked.

The girl that comes everyday? Yasmine.

‘Yes.’ I said.

‘She left a message for you: “Deadline is next week”. ‘

To be concluded..

PREDESTINATION VS FREEWILL: GOD IN THE SCHEME OF THINGS JOSHUA OMENGA

Caveat – Concepts explained – Freewill demonstrated in Biblical examples – the price of freewill – Reward and punishment, considered in the light of predestination – Biblical examples of predestination? – Foreknowledge, not foreordination – Questions for thinking predestinationists – Credo
CAVEAT

This topic implies a conscious belief in the existence of God rather than of an impersonal force responsible for ordering or sorting the chaos of existence. Therefore, the starting point is stating the necessary (and perhaps the obvious): that God exists, not just as a being, but as the Supernal Creator responsible for life in the universe. It may be noted too that this topic, although relying heavily on logic and human reasoning, is actually a Scriptural topic and references will be made prodigiously to the Bible. Finally, it should be borne in mind that this is not an exegetic attempt to justify the ways of God to man; for although the writer is of the firm conviction that God is not an incomprehensible mystery, he does not think it his role to justify Him, or even to attempt to explain His reasons for doing things.

THE CONCEPTS EXPLAINED

Predestination is the doctrine that whatever is to happen has been UNALTERABLY FIXED by God from THE BEGINNING OF TIME, especially with regards to human salvation or damnation. The doctrine posits that God has foreordained EVERY event throughout eternity. The emphasis is that this predestining or foreordaining of things is the work of God, and he is therefore the centre of the predestination doctrine.
Superficially, this doctrine would seem not only rooted in the Bible but also a humble acceptance of God’s omnipotence, an acknowledgement of His immense and ineludible superiority. One may even, in defence of this doctrine, describe as heresy any assertion that God does not foreordain things, for the Scripture proclaims God to be the ‘One declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times the things that are yet done.’ – Isaiah 46:10.
The doctrine of predestination is premised on God’s prescience and omnipotence. The argument is that one who is able to foreknow absolutely – ‘for all things are open to him with whom we have an accounting’ – should be able to ordain or manipulate the happening of events or order them according to his supreme will. This is, as it stands, a correct assumption, and to preach otherwise is to undermine the concept of Godhood. One who believes in the authenticity of the Bible as God’s revelation will have no problem agreeing that God CAN order events. However the argument is not whether he CAN but whether he DOES order events at all times. But much about this later.
The opposite doctrine – FREEWILL – is the power of making choices unconstrained by external agencies, i.e. the power of self-determination. Stated simply, this doctrine is the belief that man is imbued with the freedom to choose his course of action, whether for good or for evil; that God does not set man on an undeviating path, but that while He might command and lay down principles, man may choose to obey or disobey them. This is the doctrine I believe in; this is the doctrine I believe resonates in the pages of the Bible. This is the doctrine whose truism I propose to establish, even though by the refutation of its opposite, predestination.

FREEWILL DEMONSTRATED IN BIBLICAL EXAMPLES

Adam provides an example of the operation of freewill rather than of foreordination. In planning the creation of man, God declared His intention to make him in His image. The image of God in which man was to be made is not His physical make-up; for while God is a spirit, intangible and of humanly unquantifiable and undefinable proportion, man is fleshly and tangible, and if God had willed for man to physically resemble Him, He had markedly failed in creating man flesh rather than spirit and the declaration that man was made perfect would have been a prevarication. Man’s semblance to God lies in man’s faculty, and just as one cannot conceive of God constrained in His choices, so did God purpose that man, the crowning glory of His earthly creation, should also be free to choose his course of action. In this light, God’s command to Adam to eat of every tree of the garden except the tree of knowledge of good and evil would make sense. If God had foreordained Adam to eat of the fruit and subsequently commanded him not to eat of it, He would hardly be worthy of the attributes He claims and His standard would be lower than that of many men. Indeed, more than simply being a contradiction to His claimed attributes, Adam’s very ability to obey where he had been destined to disobey, or disobey where he had been destined to obey, begs the question as to the extent of God’s power in foreordaining things. Happily, that is far from the case as God’s illimitable power has been proved once and the repeated time; and the fact that Adam could choose obedience or disobedience testifies that God had not trammelled his choice. This ability to choose is not a personal gift to Adam but an inherent attribute of the human creation, part of what constitutes man the image of God.
The example of Cain provides another demonstration of the operation of freewill. Upon Cain’s indignation at God’s favour upon Abel’s sacrifice, God said to Cain: ‘Why are you so angry and dejected? If you turn to doing good, will you not be restored to favour? But if you do not turn to doing good, sin is crouching at the door and is craving to dominate you; BUT WILL YOU GET THE MASTERY OVER IT?’ (Genesis 4:6,7). Let it be imagined for a moment that God had foreordained Cain to murder Abel. Where would be the need, much less the wisdom, in God’s urging him to desist, to master his evil intention, to change his course? Even an imperfect man cannot hold such contradiction to be wisdom. God could only hold out the prospect of overcoming the lurking sin to Cain because he could make choices.
The history of the fleshly Israel is replete with instances of choice-making on a much grander scale. Through Moses, God at one time declared: ‘See, I have set before thee this day life and good, and death and evil; in that I command thee this day to love the Lord thy God, to walk in His ways and to keep His commandments…THAT THOU MAYEST LIVE and multiply; and the Lord thy God bless thee in the land which thou goest to possess it. BUT IF THY HEART TURN AWAY, so that thou wilt not hear but shall be drawn away and worship other gods, and serve them, I denounce unto thee this day, that ye shall surely perish…I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore, choose life that thou and thy seed may live.’ – Deuteronomy 30:15-19.
Neither the wisdom nor the love of God consisted in imposing ‘good’ on the Israelites; rather, he set before them both choices, but lovingly urged them to choose the good. (Deuteronomy 11:26-28). Prior to covenanting with them, God had given them a choice. ‘If you will obey my voice indeed and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me…Ye shall be unto me a kingdom of priest and holy nation.’ The people’s reply after Moses’ consultation: ‘All that Jehovah has spoken we will do.’ (Exodus 19:5-8) It was after hearing the people’s reply that God proceeded with the covenant; he did not impose the choice on them, despite that it was for their good.
The Israelites chose to obey God, to be his people; as a proof that the choice was a willing one, not an absolutist, undeviating one, the Israelites did for countless number of time break the covenant, to the extent that God was sorely vexed with them to the point of annihilation. He appealed several times to his rebellious people: ‘Come and let us reason together… Though your sins be as the scarlet, they shall be as white as the snow; though they be red as crimson, they shall be as wool. IF YE BE WILLING AND OBEDIENT, ye shall eat the good of the land. BUT IF YOU REFUSE AND REBEL, you shall be devoured with the sword.’ (Isaiah 1:18-20) It would be pointless of God to appeal to a people already destined for good or evil since they would not thereby deviate from their set path; and heartless of him to set them to the sword when he himself had set them to the track of rebellion. But this is manifestly not true of God’s dealings with Israelites, his special property, his eyeball, a people chosen for his name, his glory among the nations.
Thus we see in this, and in many other examples in the Scriptures, that both in individual and in collective cases, God had always left the choice open, and this is only meaningful if such people have the freedom and ability to choose, otherwise it would be merely giving with one hand and taking with the other.
THE PRICE OF FREEWILL

Freewill comes with a price: living with the consequence of one’s choice. Those who question the wisdom of God in suffering Adam to sin and thereby subjugating the human race to the thraldom of sin, insist that God would not have left Adam with the tree of knowledge of good and evil so that he would not have had to choose. This assertion is prompted by the enormous consequence of making the wrong choice. Perhaps they are right in that having no object of sin before him, Adam might not have sinned, and consequently the entire human race. But that would not be a reflection of God’s purpose for man. God is not a tyrannical exactor of obedience; the obedience he demands and values in his creations is willing obedience, one borne out of love, not out of inability to disobey. Only with choices open can man be said to be truly in the image of God, and only then can man’s choosing of right gladden God’s heart.
Allowing man to suffer the consequence of his choice, be it good or evil, is a demonstration of God’s justice and a reinforcement of His guiding attribute, love. For while he is full of mercy and ready to forgive, ‘he will by no means leave the guilty unpunished’. (Exodus 34:6,7). To leave unpunished those deserving of punishment, to subvert the result of an unwise course, would be not a show of love but an undermining of God’s constancy, the very foundation upon which believers hope for the fulfilment of God’s promises. The words that go out of his mouth will not return to him without results (Isaiah 55:11) and sooner would heaven and earth pass away than for his decreed purpose not be fulfilled. – Isaiah 40:8; Matthew 5:18; 1 Peter 1:25.
Indeed, if God had shielded Adam from the consequence of his disobedience, consider how this might have been a vindication, not of God, but of Satan. Satan had said to Eve: ‘Ye shall not surely die, for God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil’ (Genesis 3:4,5). Note that this is the very opposite of God’s pronouncement – ‘in the day you eat from it, you shall surely die’ (Genesis 2:17). Not punishing the errant Adam with the foretold punishment, death, would have proved Satan true – that they would not die as said by God – and proved God a liar! But it was Satan who had lied and remains ‘the father of the lie.’
Consider also the immense implication of God’s command to Adam. ‘Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shall not eat of it, for in the day thou eatest thereof, thou shall die’ (Genesis 2:16,17). If God had predestined Adam to eat of the fruit, it would be gross injustice on God’s path to punish him for a course of action that he is powerless to change. On the other hand, if God had destined Adam not to eat of it and Adam had eaten of it, this would mean that, apart from undermining the whole concept of predestination, God had told a lie when he proclaimed the created man ‘perfect’. For perfection consists of the ability of a thing to function flawlessly as purposed, and if God had purposed Adam not to eat the fruit and he had eaten of it, he would not have acted according to purpose. In free moral agents such as man was created to be, perfection does not consist of unerringness; rather, it is the full capability to choose to err or not to err. This ability to choose good or evil did not start with man but with the spirit sons of God, where Satan and other angels chose wrongly by rejecting God’s sovereignty and advocating others to do the same.

REWARD AND PUNISHMENT, CONSIDERED IN THE LIGHT OF PREDESTINATION
The foremost predestinationist, John Calvin, defined predestination as ‘the eternal decree of God, by which he determined what he wanted to do with each man. Not all are created in the same condition, but eternal life is foreordained for some and eternal damnation for others.’ Regarding Adam, he said: ‘God not only foresaw the fall of the first man, and in him the ruin of his posterity; but also at His own pleasure arranged it.’ While not many predestinationists will subscribe to this extreme view, the sum total of this doctrine amount to little else but this – foreordination of eternal salvation or damnation for people.
Even to a mind not attuned to the qualities of God, this is a callous thing to propose. If before the founding of the world God had determined those to be saved and those to be damned, wherefore suffer Christ to die as atonement? If the blood of Christ would not redeem the already damned, and the already saved would not be damned at any rate, it would be impaling Christ in vain. Again, consider that even predestinationists are earnest preachers of the gospel. They, like Jesus, spend time and efforts calling on men of all sorts to repentance. Yet they do not perceive the manifest contradiction: if men have been predestined for salvation or damnation, preaching to them is futility since they must inevitably, immutably commit to their destined course. Christ himself would have known this, and his gospel would have been pretension. But they, like Christ, hope and desire all to attain to repentance. – 2 Peter 3:9.
In fairness, some predestinationists hold that God does not order events from ‘the beginning of time’, but rather at birth or sometime thereafter. This might look like an appeasement from the God whom this doctrine has painted cruel and unwise, but really, what difference does it make if once one has chosen an evil path, he is incapable of turning around? Of course, even if he does turn around, it will amount to his having been preordained to turn around – in other words, he would have been destined for salvation without his volition!
A point at which predestinationists cavil in support of the doctrine is found in Revelation 17:8 – ‘The beast that thou sawest was and is not; and shall ascend out of the bottomless pit, and go into perdition, and they that dwell on earth shall wonder WHOSE NAMES WERE NOT WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OF LIFE FROM THE FOUNDING OF THE WORLD…’ Aside from the fact that the book of Revelation is full of symbols which are not always literal, let us inquire – ‘Is the book of life a book in which a name not written cannot be written and a name written cannot be blotted out?’ The testimony of the Scriptures shows otherwise.
In Psalm 69:28, the Psalmist prayed of his enemies: ‘Let them be blotted out of the book of the living.’ In a plea to God to preserve the Israelites, Moses said: ‘If thou will not forgive their sins…blot me, I pray, out of thy book which thou hast written.’ Jehovah’s reply: ‘Whoever hath sinned against me, him will I blot out of my book’ (Exodus 32:32,33). These scriptural passages show that a name already written can be obliterated if the person becomes unfaithful, sinful.
Note also that the permanence of one’s name in the book of life is contingent on one’s continued faithfulness to the end. ‘He that overcometh, I will not blot out his name from the book of life, but I will confess his name before my father’ (Revelation 3:5). The crown of life, the reward of faithfulness, is sure not at birth but at one’s death, if one proved faithful to the end (Revelation 2:10). Whatever may be the meaning or interpretation of ‘FROM THE FOUNDING OF THE WORLD’, the Scripture shows that name written in the book can be blotted out and that salvation is dependent not on a name having once been written, but in the continued faithfulness of the one whose name has been written. Moreover, the wicked whose name is not written may have his name written by turning around and repenting of his sins.
Ancillary to this is the doctrine of eternal salvation – ‘once saved, always saved’ – which doctrine purports that who has once been born in Christ, i.e. repented and is saved, is saved for all time. The proponents of this doctrine do not, like predestinationist, propose that those not saved will never be saved, only that those already saved are ‘forever saved’. However, without inquiring deep into the topic, it may be noted that this is a scripturally erroneous doctrine, for if once saved is always saved, the crown of life would be given – or at least sure – upon salvation, not upon the finish of the race of life in faithfulness. Unless if by salvation they mean faithfulness unto death, in which case no man is ever saved until death – the very negation of their belief that they are saved once they confess the Christ and surrender unto him. – 2 Peter 1:10.

BIBLICAL EXAMPLES OF PREDESTINATION?

One may point, perhaps not unreasonably, at some examples in the Bible which seem to prove that God does predestine people’s lives. A prominent example is that of Judas Iscariot. Some insist that God predestined him to betray the Christ, and unless he betrayed the Christ, things spoken of by God through the prophets would not come to pass. The argument is potent, but does it by any means prove that Judas was predestined to betray the Christ? The prophecy regarding Jesus’ betrayal is given in Psalm 41:9 – ‘Yea, mine own familiar friend in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his head against me.’
To say the obvious, this is one of the numerous instances of prophecies – demonstrations of God’s superior foreknowledge and foretelling of events. God foresaw how the Christ would be betrayed and foretold it. Let it be noted here that the almighty God whose power is illimitable, CAN manipulate events, which may be people’s lives, to suit his purpose. To say otherwise is to deny God’s omnipotence. However, his ability to do this – and despite that he MIGHT have done it in select circumstances – does not mean that he in fact orders the course of people’s lives. When the Bible states that nothing is impossible with God, it does not thereby state that God does all things. ‘Two immutable things in which it was IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD TO LIE’ (Hebrews 6:18) does not imply that it is physically impossible for God to lie; it is but an impossibility of principle, for lying is against the nature of God. It is therefore not the impossibility of ordering or destining things that keeps God from doing so; he is only being guided by his own immutable principles.

FOREKNOWLEDGE, NOT FOREORDINATION

It will be seen that on examination, the alleged instances of predestination are only demonstrations of God’s foreknowledge. Defined, foreknowledge is the ability to know in advance the outcome of an event, or series of events. The outcome foreknown must be in the future, and it does not matter how far in the future. But for foreknowledge to be meaningful in the context of this discussion, it has to be more than reasonable deduction. For instance, it will hardly be regarded as foreknowledge on the part of an adult who predicts fire when he sees a child taking naked flame toward a jar of petrol. Yet even in this crude, intuitive precognition, we may attempt to differentiate foreknowledge from foreordination. The adult knows, perhaps out of experience, that children are unreasonable and reckless and that with the child’s destination, the outcome is fire. Instead of taking the trouble to analyse how this child’s action would lead to fire outbreak, the adult could simply predict fire – and very likely, his elementary prediction would come to pass. But it does not thereby mean that the adult has set the child on the course of causing the fire. He could but he did not.
We may take a step further and be scientific. Users of smart devices like handsets often take for granted the complex processes that take place to provide them comfort and convenience. They look at the screen of their phones in the morning and ascertain at once whether it would rain or be sunny with incredible degree of accuracy. This is possible because of years of collection and analyses of data about weather which enable scientists to determine the outcome of the combination of given set of phenomena. Similar process is used in predicting volcanic eruptions, earthquakes and many other natural disasters. These scientific feats have acquired the appellation of forecasting, and while many will decline to regard their predictions in the religious sense, it will at least be acknowledged that they are a demonstration of effective use of knowledge to predict the future. But none will for a moment conceive of crediting the scientists with causing these disasters simply because they foreknew them.
Of course it will be absurd to say that God is ‘scientific’ in his predictions. I do not presume to know, neither is it necessary to inquire, how God arrives at his unerring knowledge of the future. But if man, by his limited knowledge, is able to do so much, consider what little effort it will take God to foretell the future, considering that he has been in existence for uncountable years, knows all things to their minutest details, searches the human heart and innermost thoughts. It will in fact be a marvel if such a One cannot foreknow the future. Understandably, God proclaims, ‘I am God, … declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times the things that are yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand and I will do all my pleasure’ (Isaiah 46:9,10). God could therefore challenge the gods of the nations to prove their godship by foretelling the future. – Isaiah 41:22-24.
This ability to know the outcome of any cause of action is what enables God to foretell events. He can foresee not just the outcome of an individual’s action but also that of a nation. He could also, if he chose, manipulate events. In Pharaoh’s case, for instance, God manipulated events by hardening the heart of Pharaoh so that his further refusal to let the Israelites go resulted in the manifestation of God’s power upon Egypt, to the glory of God on all the earth. But nowhere in the Bible is it suggested that God’s ability to manipulate events means that he in fact manipulates them all the time; he only does so in fulfilment of his set purpose.

QUESTIONS FOR THINKING PREDESTINATIONISTS

If God predestines man to eternal salvation or damnation, and this from the beginning of time, ‘before the founding of the world’, i.e. even before the entrance of sin into the world – what is the use of the ransom since assured salvation can never be revoked, neither assured damnation? Or could it be that Adam’s sin and the consequent need for the ransom had also been foreordained by God – and how can they not? Where is the justice in condemning Adam, and his offspring after him, for a course of life he is powerless to change – a course of life which, were he to even change it, would be undermining, indeed inimical to, the fulfilment of God’s immutable purpose? Wherein lies the truth in calling God a God of love if he condemns millions, nay billions, without their willing act, even before they are born, to an eternal damnation, which damnation some hold to be eternal torment in an ever-burning fire? What justice, even, in imposing salvation on an unwilling person? Even humans with an imperfect mind would not regard as infinitely wise and loving a God who could make such decree. Predestinationists may have to clear this smudge on God’s name and ‘justify his way to man’ – otherwise it will be seen that their doctrine has contributed in no small way to the derogation of God.

CREDO

I believe in an illimitably powerful, infinitely wise, absolutely just, immensely loving and all-merciful God whose thought for man is of good, not of evil.
I believe that man is created in the image of God, imbued with His qualities and is fully capable, with His guidance, of choosing his own course of life and living with the consequence of his choice.
I believe that God shows the right way but does not dictate that man follow it.
I believe in a just God who rewards good deeds but does not refrain from punishing evil, and that such punishment is compatible with the character of God.
I believe in a forgiving God who sees beyond the act, examines the heart and intentions and mercifully extends forgiveness where He thinks fit.
Above all, I believe in a loving and wise God who knows us even more than we know ourselves.

Girl Next Door (GND) Part 5

GND 5 by SGS

Click here for part 1

Click here for part 2

Click here for part 3

Click here for part 4

Before anything else, you should know that of all the shocking and crazy shit that went down that summer, finding out that T.Y was a girl was definitely the most mind blowing. like, up till today it still ‘trips’ me.

‘Nathan are you okay?’ Toyin asked, sipping her Lacasera and smiling, ‘you look like you’re having a stroke dear.’

There are some things that happen ehhn, and they’re beyond words. You just don’t have the right words for the moment. Or maybe you do, but at that moment the right words just leave you.

‘No nothign,’ I replied, ‘this is my happy face.’

I didn’t even say anything throughout the time I was there. Not a word. Even when I got back home and Yasmine pinged me, I didn’t bring anything up. How do you go up to someone and be like, ‘hey, are you gay?’. Only Iffy can be dumb enough to do that.

The next day, I was at Yasmine’s house and she was gonn fry meat for me. When she knows I’m a vegetarian. 8-|

‘So you don’t eat meat?’ She said, ‘like at all?’

‘Please define vegetarian.’ I said.

‘Ok. Chicken?’

‘No.’

‘Fish?’

‘No.’

‘Suya?’

‘No.’

‘Pomo?’

‘Nope.’

‘Lamb?’

‘Huh? Noo.’

‘Shaki?’

‘Nope nope.’

‘Pork?’

‘No oo.’

‘Bacon?’

‘Bacon is pork.’

‘What of sausage? Gala?’

‘Nawahh. I said I don’t like meat oo. It disgusts me.’

‘Now I know you’re a freak,’ she said, ‘which normal Nigerian hates meat??’

‘So how come T.Y is a girl?’ I asked. I probably shouldn’t have brought it up like that. But it was so annoying. I was in the room of a potential-lesbian and we were there talking bout meat :/

‘Are you joking?’ She asked him.

The deadness of my seriousness was on my face.

‘Ok then. How did u know?’ She said.

‘#AskGoogle,’ I said, ‘so you’re a lesbo?’

‘:s remind me pls, how that’s any of your fucking business.’

‘Small girl, I’m not following you to vex,’ I said, ‘I asked a question.’

‘Fuck off pls.’

‘Really? So when I don’t want an explanation, you force it down my throat but when I need one I should fuck off baa?’ I said, you’re posting my bros and you made them fight over you. When you’ree really a lesbian? Cool ’

‘Ughh. I’m not a fucking lesbian!’

‘Oh? What are you then?’

‘Irritated by your presence. Pls leave.’ She said.

‘Aunty, I still no dey follow you vex,’ I said, amused, ‘but this T.Y babe though..’

‘Yes. Problem?’

‘She seems manipulative, like she’s controlling you.’

‘Biko, I know what I’m doing.’

‘You do? Kindly explain then. ‘Cause I do not fucking get anything that’s happening around me.’

‘Nathan, mind your language. Geez.’ T.Y said, entering the room. Her presence had a way of making one weak.

‘Toyin.’ I said. I ddn’t know if we were close enough for me to call him T.Y. I mean her. Or her-him. Whatever.

‘Nathan (:’ she said. She turned to Yasmine, ‘I need to talk to you. Go downstairs.’

Yasmine went downstairs, like one Mary had a little lamb. Ughh. The way she was behaving around T.Y annoyed me.

‘Nathan, can we talk?’ She said, after Yasmine left.

‘Aren’t we already talking?’

‘Lol. True,’ she said. ‘Do you have a problem with me and Yasmine?’

‘You&Yasmine? Nahh,’ I said, ‘but you, very much.’

‘Ouch. That one actually entered. ‘ she was still smiling as she said this. ‘I just want you to know that I can’t hurt Yasmine. I love her. And I know you care about her.

She knows? What tf did she know about our lives? And why did I feel so drawn to her? So small in her presence?

‘Good to know.’ I said. Tueh! like I trusted T.Y! Sexy, evil, lesbian bitch.

‘Aii,’ she said, and she went downstairs, probably to talk to Yasmine or something. I just stayed there for a bit, in Yasmine’s room. And then I slept off on her big, pink bed.

Mehhn the sleep was needed (!!). When I woke up, my head was clear and I could think sensibly. There was no how Yasmine could be a lesbian. like, there was no how. She already said she wasn’t , and there was no proof. I was just making wild assumptions in my head based on nothing. *sigh. I felt better thinking that.

And then I went downstairs, and got physical proof. There, on the couch beside the tv, was T.Y, her hands on Yasmine’s waist. Her tongue, entangled in Yasmine’s mouth. Their bodies, sweaty and wrapped around each other on the couch, moving silently. Up and down. I was instantly hard :$ :$ I swear I don’t know how long I was there, just watching them straffing. But at a point though, T.Y noticed me and pulled away from Yasmine. Not fast enough. Yasmine just lay there, topless.

I must’ve said somfin stupid like ‘I think I hear my cat calling me’. I dunno. I just had to leave there and go back home. Awkkkkks.

*******

I was shocked to see Ibrahim at my house when I got back home. It was normally me who came 2 his house, not the other way round.

‘Hey boo!’ I said.

‘>:/ don’t boo me u GayLord,’ he said, ‘after slying boys at The Basement that day. Retard’

‘:$ I forgot about that,’ I said, ‘I can explain boo.’

‘You can save your xplanations. I’m here to see Frost. Not you.’


‘Warris popping my brehdas??’ Iffy said, coming downstairs. His face was already healing. His eye wasn’t swollen or :&-ey anymore. But there was still a dark patch under his eye, just above his cheek. Till today, I don’t think that thing has gone.

‘Ugh. This guy, must you be so ratchet? After I finished hyping u,’ Ibrahim said.

‘Lool. My guy, wagwan?’

‘*sigh. I’m with your I.V oo. For #DOPE2. And you’re meant to bring a plus one.’

‘:s :s warris #DOPE2?’ Iffy said.

‘Frost, are you for real?’ Ibrahim said. ‘I told you about it at the party naa.’

‘Aah no wonder.’ Iffy said, ‘that your party ehhn, I was too high. Nothing was entering my head.’

‘*smh. Guy, change ur ways. Weed kills,’ Ibrahim said.

Mscheww, the same Ibrahim that has a special weed stack, where he categorizes the weed seff. Irris that bad. :((

‘#DOPE2 is a fashion show for charity next month. like 10 designers, yeah, showcase their stuff. People buy. Then it all goes to charity. I’m one of the designers. And you’re performing,’ Ibrahim said.

‘Wait. So you’re not getting paid?’ Iffy asked.

‘Guy, check dictionary for meaning of charity. Make I spell am for you?’

‘Soo am I getting paid to perform?’ Iffy asked with a :s look on his face.

‘Nathan, sheyy na ur brother? Pls speak his language. I’m tired.’ Ibrahim said.

‘Lool. Iffy. Chaaaa-riiiiii-teaaaa.’ I said, ‘= no money for you.’

‘So what am I gaining?’ He asked.

My Lord. How to explain the concept of free publicity to an apeman.

‘ “Omg Frost performed for the hungry children of Mama Uche’s village” ‘ I said, in a high, girly voice, ‘ “he’s such a nice guy! Let’s buy his cds then go to his shows and rape him ^.^” ‘

‘Ehenn! You guys are getting me now!’ Iffy said.

‘Ode, these are shaa your tickets.’ Ibrahim said, ‘and Nathan I got for you as well. Bring a plus one too.’ He handed me the tickets and put Iffy’s tickets on the table.

‘Plus one?’ Iffy said.

‘like an extra guest,’ I said. Ughh. And this is the guy that got A1 in English WAEC. Sigh!

‘So yeah imma go. See you there next month. Greet Jesse for me and pray I come first at the show.’ Ibrahim said.

‘But it’s charity naa. There are no losers or winners,’ Iffy said.

‘Yeah, that’s what we tell the losers ;)’ Ibrahim said, before he left.

‘So who’s your plus one?’ Iffy asked me.

‘No idea. You?’

‘No idea too.’ Iffy said, ‘if it was before, I would have said Jesse.’

‘Yes! Guy, ask him!’

‘Naah. Hez still pissed about the Yasmine thing.’

But I wasn’t thinking about Yasmine, I was thinking about how to bring my brothers back together.

‘He isn’t jorhh. You should ask him. He’ll appreciate it’ I said, ‘you know Jesse likes all that emotional crap.’

‘Sheyy. The fag,’ Iffy said, ‘abeg I can’t. ‘

‘Just do it.’

‘No dude, I’m too scared.’

Jesse came downstairs at that moment, his hair uncombed, his eyes dripping with interrupted doze.

‘Nawah shaa,’ he said, ‘you guys can stare for Africa though. What did I do now?’

‘Theres a fashion charity thing in September and I’m performing,’ Iffy said.

‘So I should…???’ Jesse said.

‘I can bring a plus one. You wan come?’

Jesse’s face melted into a soft smile. ‘Aii. Wateva.’

‘Cool. Whatever.’

I knew that, with that, all was forgiven. Jesse and Iffy were back together. There was hope in the air.

That hope was short-lived.

Yasmine walked in. It was the first time since Ibrahim’s party that Jesse or Iffy had seen her. Awkks.

‘T.Y said to tell you to come to my house by 3. Today.’ She was droning on like one robot, looking at Jesse and Iffy, but avoiding my eyes.

‘Yasmine, where have you been?’ Jesse said. ‘And T.Y is back? :s :s’

‘Eyys! Better question!’ Iffy said, like a fucking villager, ‘Who tf does T.Y think he is? And what’s our business with him???’

‘*her’ I said, ‘our business with her.’

‘T.Y. Is a babe? 😮 😮 X_X’ Jesse said.

‘Wait? Pause ur games swiftly? Ehn?’ Iffy said.

‘Yes. And she said you should come. Jesse and Iffy. By 3.’ She paused. ‘And you too, Nathan.’

Oh?

Before she left we locked eyes, for a brief, fleeting moment before she looked away. And turned to go.

*Sigh.

*******

Nobody had to remind the three of us. We were all there by 3 exactly. The fact that T.Y was a babe was doing Iffy and Jesse. Me, I juts wanted to know why I was invited. To me, this was a Jesse-Yasmine-Iffy thing. Little did I know though…

T.Y was at the dinning table looking like one boss lady. I felt slightly she was gonn say “you’re fired” then the ground would swallow us all. like in that Donald Trump show. Yasmine was just sitting there looking like Virtuous Woman. That dead book we read for Junior WAEC. And btw, fuck Junior WAEC (!). Buh that’s anoda topic entirely 3-|

The three of us stood awkwardly in her living room for some time. Silently.

T.Y looks at Jesse, shirtless ’cause he had been gyming.

‘Ughh. I hate guys who don’t wear their shirts,’ T.Y says, ‘yeah they have sexy bodies but then if I go out shirtless, I’ll end up on NTA or something.’

‘Oya, pause your game with style,’ Iffy said. Lol. This is why I like Iffy. He’s not afraid to look like the idiot. ‘Why tf are we here? We don’t kno you aunty’

T.Y smiled briefly. ‘I’m Toyin. T.Y actually.’ She said, ‘and I’m not ur aunty.’. Iffy’s lips quivered. And then I was calm. T.Y’s dominating effect, it wasn’t only me that felt it.

She looked at me. ‘I already met Nathan,’ she said. ‘The shirtless, sxc one is Jesse. And u-‘ she eyed Iffy, up and down. ‘You’re the Frost guy whose mixtape burnt my ears.’

Iffy was about to say something until Jesse said: ‘Sorry, but how are you T.Y? T.Y was Yasmine’s ex?’

‘Exactly.’ T.Y said.

‘I was in ss3. Yasmine was in ss1. It was an all-girls school soo that was normal. It was beautiful. But then I graduated and I lost contact with Yasmine when I travelled.’ She held Yasmine’s hand. ‘Until now though.’

What she was saying made no sense to me. Normal? When is lesbianism normal anywhere? Nawahh for the kind messed up shit in all-girls schools tho.

‘So you guys are gay?’ Iffy said. Nawahh! This guy!

‘Lol. I’m into girls, yes,’ she said. ‘But Yasmine is.. bisexual.’

I looked at Yasmine, juts sitting there quietly while the sexy evil bitch was telling us her sexual orientation for her. Ugh.

And suddenly Iffy had this very interested look on his face. Fucking pervert.

‘So have you ever fucked a girl?’ Iffy asked her.

‘Haba! Iffy! Stfu!’ Jesse said.

‘:s is this guy for real?’ T.Y said.

‘Ahh. I’m for fake seff,’ Iffy said, ‘like if you feel shy ehn, is ok. Juts gimme your pin, I’ll add you then we can go further ;;)’

‘Well,’ T.Y said, ‘now you can understand why I’m a lesbian.’

‘Iffy, calm down.’ Jesse said.

‘Ok. Fine. But one last thing,’ Iffy said, ‘can you and Yazz just start making out like right now? like I could watch that all day.’

‘Moving on!’ T.Y said, ‘I brought you guys here today, Jesse and Iffy, because Yasmine told me about her affairs with you. I just want to let you all here know that I love Yasmine and I’m back for her now.’

‘And what does Yasmine have to say?’ I ask. The sound of my own voice sounded unfamiliar. I hadn’t spoken at this freaky meeting since.

‘Nathan..’ Yasmine said. This was the first time she was talking as well.

‘Don’t.’ I said. ‘Why am I here anyway? I never liked Yasmine.’

‘She told me you’re the best friend she has ever had and the only person she trusts,’ T.Y says, ‘how could you not be here?’

*******

That last thing T.Y said stayed with me as me, Iffy and Jesse went back home that day. We were all walking together, but we were in separate worlds. Our minds were far apart.

Nobody said anything when we got back home and we were going to bed. I wonthered if really, this was how our day would end.

‘You guys chill. I have to say something.’ I said.

‘Nate pls, today has been long.’ Jeese said.

‘So shouldn’t we talk about it?’ I said.

‘Why? To achieve what?’ Iffy said.

‘Cause we never talk about anything in this house. We just act like we’re fine when we’re obviously not. Look at Mummy’s death! Never once have we talked about that!’ I said. The room thickened in silence. I remmbered something I told Yasmine.

‘Jesse, you care too much and then you blow up when you can’t supress your feelings. Iffy, you don’t care at all and you only think of yourself.’ I said, ‘I dunno what tf that meeting was, and for the sake of my sanity I’ll try to forget all this stuff this summer never happened. Will you guys do the same? Let Yasmine go. Please. It’s not worth all this.’

Iffy nodded. And then Jesse nodded. And we pulled each other close in a hug.

It felt weird. like in that moment, we were brothers, finally. But it also felt kinda gay tbh. I wonder if dis is how those 1Direction guys always feel.

*******

And just like that, it was like that chapter in our lives was over and everything was back to how it was 2 years ago. Well, not exactly, but it was close. The days passed by too quickly, and soon it was September and summer was almost over. I had a month till we resumed school but Jesse and Iffy had two weeks. Jesse was in Igbinedion, that dead private school in Edo and Iffy was in Babcock. But before all that, there was #DOPE2.

#DOPE2 was being hyped on twitter as the Final party of the summer. If you weren’t there, your summer didn’t just try. But not everybody could get tickets for the main show so they were gonn come for the after party. A pool party at The Basement in Surulere. For the first time, all those lazy island guys would come down to the mainland for a party. (งˆ▽ˆ)ง

It was Jesse that drove us there. We were just joking and playing around on our way there. Iffy was talking about the pool party.

‘Mehhn if I hear say the after party make sense! I’ll eat my fucking head!’ He said.

‘Lol. Guy isn’t it at the after party that you’re performing?’ Jesse said.

‘Ehhn naa,’ I said, ‘when people would be too drunk to notice his music is crap.’

‘Haturrrrrrrr! I see you!’ Iffy said, ‘but forget these girls go fuck that party up. Just watch. Sheyy them talk beach party? No be bikini you suppose bring? You go still see babes wearing Mary and Martha skirt for there. Just chill and watch!’

‘Lmaooo! Iffy dis is why you can’t be great,’ I said.

‘Mumu :p’ Iffy said. ‘So who’s your own plus one?’

‘:$ :$ Damii’. I said. Yes, boys and girls, Damii my eternal boo was on hols (though back in school by next month 8-|). And she was my date for #DOPE2. Buh she lived really far so she could only make it for the after party :((

We got to the fashion show kinda late, but not too late to see the ZD presentation (that’s Ibrahim’s label). But we discovered that everyone had been allocated to a particular table. So Iffy and Jesse were sitting away frm me. Ugh.

Ibrahim told me I was sitting with the head designer of DKNG, a rival foreign-based label. But when I got there, I saw someone else.

‘Longest time Nathan’ T.Y said.

‘Geez. Toyin? Why you here?’ I was stunned. She looked gorgeous though.

‘Ahann. You’re not nice oo,’ she said, with her half-smile, ‘is that how you say hi?’

‘You know someone important is meant to be there. And when he comes-‘

‘Ibrahim Damulak!’ She burst out, smiling. I turned around and saw Ibrahim also smiling.
:s

‘Oluwatoyin Ikuomola,’ he said, ‘did I pronounce it right tho?’

‘You didn’t even try,’ she said.

‘You know her? :s’ I asked.

‘Duhh mehnn. Every designer knows Toyin,’ he said, ‘Shes the head designer of DKNG.’

:s :s ‘Oh?’ I said.

‘Yeah Nathan is my friend too,’ T.Y said. Friend? Famz.

‘Oh cool.’ Ibrahim said, ‘So I’ll just leave you two yeah? Toyin :*’

Ugh. If he only knew he was kissing a lesbian.

‘So you’re a designer? DKNG?’ I asked her.

‘*sigh. Yes.’

‘Oh. So you’re back in Nigeria because of #DOPE2? that’s the reason?’

‘One of.’

‘Oh yeah, and for Yasmin,’ I said. ‘Where is she seff? I’m sure she’s your plus one.’

‘Yup. She is. Buh she didn’t want to come for the show,’ T.Y said, ‘she’ll juts come for the pool party with her cousin. Wazz her name?’

‘Her name is Blah Blah,’ I said, ‘buh people juts call her Blah.’

‘Yeah, I don’t really care,’ she said, ‘havent seen hou since that day.’

‘Gee. I wonder why.’

‘Lol. I wasn’t trying to scare you guys off. Yasmine isn’t my personal property.’

‘Oh?’

‘Can u remmber what I told you? About you being her best friend?’

‘Yeah.’

‘She never told me that. I just knew,’ She said, ‘I’ve never heard her talk like that. About anybody.’

‘Oh well,’ I said. ‘She had many opportunities. She still fucked everything up 3-|’

‘And you just left her?’

‘I’m only thinking of my brothers,’ I said.

‘And they’re thinking of you?’ T.Y asked me. I paused and looked at her. She had that sly, near-smile on her face. This babe is too sexy. And too evil. (!)

We didn’t say much during the show after that. And after the show, we headed off to the after party at The Basement.

I got to the pool party late, and it was crowded af. I couldn’t find Jesse or Iffy. Or even Ibrahim. Oh and juts so u know, DKNG came first, another label called Fusion came 2nd and Ibrahim’s label, ZD, was 3rd.

‘Nathan,’ I recognize the voice & instantly turn back. Yasmine.

‘Hi.’ She said.

‘Hey,’ I replied, looking at her. ‘I’m looking for Jesse and Iffy, I’ll see you guys later.’

I turned to go. And then, I remmbered wat T.Y said at the meeting about me being the best friend she ever had. Something within me melted; softened.

I went back, and I hugged Yasmine. A small, side hug. It was my way of saying ‘I’m sorry’. What is it about Yasmine that makes everybody want to protect her, to want her to be happy? It was ineffable. 😥

‘I’m going to the pool,’ I said to her. ‘Coming?’

‘Oh. I’m cming. I’m looking for someone,’ Yasmine said, ‘maybe later though.’

‘Aii.’ I said. I didn’t bother asking who she was looking for, it was probably T.Y. 3-|

I didn’t even know when I got drunk at the party. The drinks were free and it’s hard for me to resist icy-cold Vodka. I must’ve drank like three full-size bottles.

‘Why do I always see you with a vodka bottle in your hand?’ A voice said. I didn’t have to look up. I knew it was Blah.

‘:D :D’ I said.

‘See your teeth! After forgetting me! *rme’

‘Lol. Never poss!’

‘K bro.’

‘Boooooooo’ I said. Damii still wasn’t here yet. I felt lonely.

‘Lol :* Nathan’ she said, smiling. It amazed me how easy Blah was. Other girls would never talk to me again if I left them at a party after straffing. Oh well, girls are different shaa. Some girls are just cheerful givers ^-^

‘U didn’t come for the fashion show?’ I asked her.
‘Naa,’ she said, ‘did Ibrahim win though?’

‘No. 3rd.’

‘Ohh.’ She was smiling.

‘Let’s walk,’ I said, standing. I fell immediately, then she held me up.

‘Are you ok? Lool’

‘Yeah baby. Why?’ I said. We were walking away from the bar, towards the basketball court.

‘You seem slow and tired,’ she said, ‘are you on codeine?’

‘LOL. Me? Naa. I’m not even into all that. Jesse is the codeine freak. Then Iffy is pure weed.’

‘Oh? So what’s your own speciality?’

‘Besides vodka?’ I said, ‘I give better than my bros ;)’

‘True, true ;)’ she said. I looked at her. From an angle, her eyes kinda looked like Damii’s. Or that was probably the Vodka.

We went to the changing rooms behind the court, where b-ball players go to bath and change after playing.

We were frenching like hell when she started removing my clothes :$ :$ my wrist band fell to the floor as she took my shirt off.

My hands were everywhere. It wasn’t like last time. The first time, we were on a bed, we had most clothes on, and there was no possibility of sex. This time, we were standing, I was naked and she had a bikini. And we both knew sex was the only way forward.

She moaned gently as my teeth dug into her nipples. Her nipples hardened immediately. At the same time my fingers were inside her, I could feel her wetness as her moans became deeper. It was like she was begging me to fuck her, and I would obviously. But first, I wanted 2 return the favour. That head she gave me the last time was heavenly.

I slid her pant off her legs and went down on her. I swear down, I’ve never heard a girl scream so loudly. Even during sex. I was there only a few seconds then she started shaking so much, it felt like the ground around me was moving.

I came back up. ‘You’ve never gotten head before?’ I asked her. She shook her head, breathless. ‘You like it?’ I asked her. She smiled.

I turned her around and fucked her, quickly. The sex was a blur and I only remmber her sharp screams and the fleeting ecstasy of cumming inside her.

And then it was over. Just like that. It took me like a minute to get over everything. Blah lay there on me, her head on my chest, putting her hands in mine, like she mattered to me. I just suddenly remmbered that Damii was going 2 come for the party. I got up and changed sharrply.

‘Are you ok?’ She asked me. ‘I have to go.’ I said. Nothing more. I felt kinda bad leaving her. Again. But Damii was my forever girl. And Blah was just the girl of the night. :]Y

When I got back to the pool, I saw Damii. She was even prettier than I remembered her. :’). ‘I missed you,’ she said, hugging me closely. I pulled her closer. ‘I missed you more boo.’ I said. I held her face, taking in her beautiful smile. And then I kissed her. The rush of happiness I got from kissing her dazed me. I felt giddy.

‘Aww,’ Ibrahim said, ‘so cute :””)’. He was with Derin and Iffy.

‘Lol. Pls die,’ I said. I wrapped my hands around Damii and she looked up at me. When did she get so short? We used to be almost the same height, now I could easily chin her :/

‘No but Nathan has missed you Damii,’ Derin said.

‘Assinn!’ Ibrahim said, ‘dosnt even look at all those girls again!’

My mind went to the changing room. And to the sex. I had to change topic.

‘Iffy, where have you been?’ I asked him. ‘I was looking for you and Jesse.’

‘Mehhn. I was looking for you too. We got here since,’ Iffy said, ‘then Jesse just disappeared.’

‘Frosty love,’ Damii said, ‘how you been? Any new music?’ Oh yeah I forgot, Damii likes Iffy’s dead music -__-

‘Boo boo ;;). A lot! New mixtape, out December.’

‘Maltina cares.’ Ibrahim said.

‘In a special wayyyy!’ I added.

‘Lmaoo. You’re still not nice,’ Damii said.

‘I’m only nice to you bae :**’ I said.

‘Aww. Boo :*******’ Damii said.

‘Ugh,’ Derin said, ‘couples disgust me.’

‘-__-‘ Ibrahim said, ‘so what are we? Fried rice?’

‘Oya issok!’ Iffy said, ‘y’all be making a single nigg feel lonely :((‘

‘Lol. Pained?’ I said.

‘#ForeverAlone’ Ibrahim said.

‘Fucktards..’ Iffy said. He looked at my arm. ‘where’s that your razz Babablue wrist watch seff?’

‘Guii, it’s a band not a watch,’ I said. I remmbered when Blah removed my clothes in the changing room. ‘I dropped it off somewhere. I’m coming.’

‘Oh. Wow,’ was all I could say when I got to the changing room. It wasn’t the fact that Yasmine was half-naked on the changing room floor. It was that Jesse was lying on top of her, her lipstick smeared on his cheek.

I look at the ground, waiting for it to swallow me alive, but it just stared back at me, mocking me, as an ant crawled slowly past.

Jesse was trying to explain, but my whole world went mute and stuffy. I needed air.

I went outside. Maybe it was the drinking. Maybe it was the hurried, vigorous sex. Maybe it was seeing Jesse with Yasmine, after everything we’ve been through. I juts lost it. And I fainted.

To Be Continued…

The Poltergeist by Habeeb Il Faraone

Contradiction, the place where the zombies of night waddle along
The lines the bodiless plough
The sudden realization Damien had
The idea that if man can’t kill God the devil will
At that point he knew he had to ask his father for help in dealing with Azareal The angel of vengeance who was always at his back
Grumbling as asking his father was no small task
A price always has to be paid afterall Lucifer isn’t exactly known for free generosity
Oh yes his father was Lucifer the morning star
The shining one
The accuser of the bretheren
The fiend
The roaring lion
The bringer of dawn, old Nick